I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
