I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Randomize
