I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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