At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
