My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
