Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
