im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
