I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
