I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
