seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
