He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
