Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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