The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
