so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My breasts were aching with rage.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
