at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
