I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
