you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
