sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm really busy with my period
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