I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
