Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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