Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
