His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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