perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
