Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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