I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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