it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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