I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
