Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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