Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
