she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
