Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
