Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
