I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
