I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
