So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
