Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
