i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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