as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
