I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
