You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
