He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
