at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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