U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
