I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
