Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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