I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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