I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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