Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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