oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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