So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
