I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
