Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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