I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
