It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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