you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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