Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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