they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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